


Try Not to Cry

by sherlockstummy



Category: Cabin Pressure
Genre: Anorexia, Gen, MJN Air Is A Family, Martin has internet connection, Martin has too much pride, possible trigger warning, some mention of thinspo blogs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-06-03
Updated: 2013-06-03
Packaged: 2017-12-13 20:47:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/828705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sherlockstummy/pseuds/sherlockstummy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Martin finds himself low on funds and unable to afford food, so he goes to the internet for inspiration on how to hide the fact he hadn't eaten from others. But, as the weeks go on, he suddenly finds himself unable to stop, even when he actually has funds enough to buy food. Luckily, his friends help him out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Try Not to Cry

**Author's Note:**

> I don't have anorexia myself, but I have known people with anorexia, so I hope this doesn't sound condescending or anything.
> 
> Not placed any particular place in canon.

It all started out innocently enough. Martin's pride had got the best of him, and that blog had been so helpful. 

His rent was paid up a week in advance, thanks to a parcel of funds from Carolyn and a few high-paying van deliveries. Extra money sat in his safe, ready to be used. But his fridge still only contained milk and butter (salted), his freezer only bread and ice, his pantry only some spices, more bread, a tin of tea, and two containers of pasta. 

He could afford to buy more substantial food. He just didn't want to. He knew he could save the money for something far more important, like repairs on his van, or a date. Not that he could ever go on dates, between his hobby and his job.

On the morning of the France trip, Martin's stomach was clenched and twisted tight, aching faintly. He filled a cup with water and drank it before doing his morning routine and getting into his uniform. His trousers were a size too big, but he didn't have time to cut another hole in his belt before leaving. He dashed down the four flights of stairs, holding onto the waist of his trousers, jumped into his van, and drove off. It was two hours into the flight before he was able to bemoan the fact that he hadn't had any breakfast.

His stomach ached, but he pushed away the pain, focusing his energy on playing a word game with Douglas. It was child's play to push around his catered rice and vegetables, only eating little nibbles and insisting he'd had a huge breakfast beforehand. Being thin made him feel taller, and he straightened in his chair, laughing along with Arthur about something Douglas had said, Carolyn coming over the intercom to yell at them for being too noisy. It was a great day.

Carolyn invited them all to dinner, and they all went. Martin ordered a salad, which was larger than he imagined, and managed to get away with eating a few bites and sneaking the rest into Douglas', so it looked like he'd eaten more than he actually had. Carolyn made fun of some of the passengers, Arthur talked about a little boy that had accidentally tripped him and then offered him his peanuts, and everyone laughed. It was a good dinner.

It was only when he was changing for his shower that Martin had a chance to look at himself in the mirror. His cheek bones were stark against his thin, hollowed cheeks, his eyes had dark bruises under them, his ribs were prominently on display, his stomach curved inward, his hip bones jutting out of his trousers. He swallowed, shivering in the cold bathroom, and got into the shower. He was so hungry. He hadn't eaten a solid meal yet this week, or last week, or the week before that. He wanted to. He wished he could've eaten all of his salad, instead of giving it to Douglas. He wished he had time to buy proper groceries. He wished he wasn't so cold.

But he couldn't stop.

It wasn't even because he wanted to be thin. He had just wanted to act like everything was fine, go on as usual when he couldn't afford to buy food for a week. Now, he couldn't force himself out of his habits, he realized with quiet panic. But what could he do? He couldn't afford to get help.

Martin got out of the shower and changed into his jimjams. He tried to ignore the ache in his belly as he crawled beneath the covers and fell asleep.


End file.
